Hi everyone I got interested in the old ways a few years back but the christian part of me and parents kept rejecting it and then I dropped my interest and prayed to jesus to forgive, a cycle for about 1 year. There was a "pull" within I could not understand. I have went to a few drumming circles and even had a soul retrieval done, but always felt somewhat that these people were "plastic" and have actually realized now that they were as "shaman" is not native rather asian,russian and the like, and I am not even sure if natives did soul retrievals? Anyhow I have meditated and connect with mother earth deeply and 1 year ago Had these 3 crows that kept coming to my yard and there was a connection I can not explain, eventually I learned of totems and once I started focusing and decided to listen to spirit it became a hawk, i dream hawk, my senses are sharper, and now a hawk comes to my yard when i think of him, recently i again went about my life but felt that pull again, at same time found out my great great granmother was 100% ottawa indian from michigan so I decided to research and plan togo see some of the tribes shows and donate even to them when I am able to, they are very small tribe left, very sad. Anyway so I said to my self or rather in mind "ok if this is my path then hawk will show today but not just a random fly by something knowing"...1 hour later I came back from store and hawk flew so close to me it scared me, my wife and daughter seen it just like many other times, I am not going mad something really spirtual is going on. Today I had pains in my body mostly my heart for all the pain humans have created, the killings of natives, greed, litter, politics, separation, hate, so so bad I went to e.r. to check my heart, everything was fine....I also went to a psyche doctor and was cleared, so I am convinced this is spritual. So what do I do now, I have contected people but most seem to just want money and are scams, so I ask you what if you were me do next, I have very little native blood in me, so why the pull of it so hard in me. I am not one of those new agers wearing a indian shirt acting like I am, I am not well only some but you know what I mean, I want to hug any native I see right now this moment and let them know I am sorry for what has happened to them, like thanksgiving ha what a joke hoilday...just furious and sad, so I ask you why? I am probably only what 6% indian.... what is going on with me, i need honest answers, I know the money people will tell me i was a chief in another life, lol, no i wwant truth....I have always felt alienated and empty spirituality , i do not follow any religion now as i dont want dogma i want spirit, i have heard there is called something called spiritual emergency, is this true...thanks..great site btw
