Recovering from a destructive group

[Epiphany]

A prime hurdle for former cult members is to overcome speaking and thinking in the cult's special language. As we have seen, each group has its own jargon, usually based on applying new and idiosyncratic meanings to regular words and phrases. The jargon creates a sense of eliteness, solidarity, and belonging among those in the in-group; at the same time, it cuts people off from easy conversation with outsiders. This is true even in the live-out cults, whose members work at outside jobs but put in most of their free time with the cult; during that time with the cult, they speak the group jargon. In certain groups, the loaded language is more centrally encompassing than in others and thus harder to shed afterward. That is, supplies new terms for practically everything and thereby controls more of the members' thinking.

Communication with others is naturally hindered as long as former members continue to use cult terminology. They don't make sense when they speak to others, and sometimes they can't make sense out of their own internal thoughts.

A free mind is a wonderful thing. Free minds have discovered the advances of medicine, science, and technology; have created great works of art, literature, and music; and have devised our rules of ethics and the laws of civilized lands. Tyrants who take over our thinking and enforce political, psychological, or spiritual "correctness" by taking away our freedom, especially the freedom of our minds, are the menace of today, tomorrow, and all eternity.

[debbieredbear]

Thank you for the info, Epiphany! I am sure this will be helpful to some.

[tellmetruth]

I've been reading Cults in Our Midst and it's really striking to me how much being a member of a cult seems to resemble being in an abusive relationship, and the difficulties in leaving a cult seem very much like the difficulties some people might have in leaving an abusive partnership.

[Epiphany]

I've been reading Cults in Our Midst and it's really striking to me how much being a member of a cult seems to resemble being in an abusive relationship, and the difficulties in leaving a cult seem very much like the difficulties some people might have in leaving an abusive partnership.

Very much so, similar dynamics definitely. As I recovered from my time in a cult group, it helped me quite a bit to read books not only on cult recovery specifically - but also info on domestic violence, verbal abuse, sociopaths, manipulation, con artists, and on scams/consumer fraud.


"Cold reading" is a good thing to know about too: http://www.skepdic.com/coldread.html

Survivors of both one on one abusive relationships and of destructive groups may think "how could I have been that stupid?", may feel that there must be something wrong with them, and unfortunately outsiders will also tend to think anyone who has been victimized surely must just be dumb. But this blames the victim and isn't even true. Cult groups thrive on having many intelligent members.

So the fact we were sucked in doesn't mean we were or are stupid, it means we were tricked (often at a vulnerable time in our lives) and snared.

Cult leaders, new age frauds, scam artists, and predators all use similar forms of manipulation and abuse. They may vary in what style they use, what pose they strike, how they dress up the illusion, but the underpinnings have a lot in common.

Leaving a cult group is very like getting out of an abusive domestic relationship. Can feel miserable, uncomfortable, even frightening - but freedom is worth it all.

[Epiphany]

Detailing our experiences with Nuage frauds and hucksters here can help a lot. We can add to the pool of research and knowledge.

We can make amends for whatever part we played, and possibly do some good by passing on what we know. Survivors doing this may feel a mix of fear and relief.

I think anyone doing this would be wise to give themselves time, be thoughtful, and do lots of editing before posting.

Think over what needs to go to law enforcement, attorney, therapist.

Remember that there are predators online who target vulnerable people. Learn and keep healthy boundaries.

For non-NDN survivors - I think it is really important that we figure out and focus on why we are here. We aren't here to be crazy, to get attention and solace, people don't have to be nice to us here, this isn't a place to seek personal healing. This isn't a place to seek comfort.

All that said, it can be rewarding to share what you know about frauds. Personal experiences are very valuable.

[Defend the Sacred]

Thank you for that, Epiphany.

[Epiphany]

Cults in our Midst, a great page on leaving a cult http://www.culteducation.com/reference/recovery/recovery1.html

The Rick Ross cult information site has changed to another url, they are now at http://www.culteducation.com/. So some links I've used here pointing to their work are now broken. Also when they moved they lost some material, but things are being reconstructed as they are able. http://www.culteducation.com/help.html

[Epiphany]

A great video to help understand how cults work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxJyfqeaKU8

Many of the frauds we research here use all these techniques.

[Autumn]

A great video to help understand how cults work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxJyfqeaKU8

Many of the frauds we research here use all these techniques.

Thanks, Piff.  That is a great video.  It looks like it was copied quite a lot or is very old since it is so grainy but the information is invaluable.

It is so frightening to think that cults are like an onion, with the most benign parts on the outer edges, and the most destructive in the inner core.  And they rope people in with front groups such as a Bible study group, a meditation group, a peace group, a management course, or a self-development course, etc.  It seems as if we are all susceptible and we must always be on our guard.  One man who was involved with a cult for 15 years said that two things are invaluable to cults:  repetition and vulnerability.  So those people who are especially emotionally fragile due to some traumatic life event are especially susceptible and then the cults start on the repetition to reel them in.

As you said, we have seen this over and over in the groups that we investigate here and it is so sad.

[Otter3]

Here's an excellent book:  Take Back Your Life; recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias, published by Bay Tree Publishing, Berkeley, CA. 2006.  This is an expanded version of Captive Hearts, Captive Minds published in 1994.
Some of the sections are:  Defining a cult; recruitment, the cult leader, families and children in cults, the healing process, dealing with the aftereffects, and much more.  This book answers the anguished questions ex-cult members ask themselves, "How could I have joined a cult?  Why didn't I see what was going on?"
 

[moonchild]

Autumn,

This part especially,

"It is so frightening to think that cults are like an onion, with the most benign parts on the outer edges, and the most destructive in the inner core."

So true !!!  And though you did point this out as self-development,  I would also specifically mention LGATS.  The one that I was involved with, (for about a year), seemed innocent enough to anyone in the entry- level course. Although it came across as somewhat confrontational,  one was always free to leave. 
They protect the abusive stuff by making it proprietary, so that makes it difficult to discuss with anyone.  Rick Ross was sued by this, (LGAT), organization,  on these grounds.  Much of what they do will not come up on internet searches, for this reason.