Pt 5
I think that, if he had realized that he was basically a sexaholic because of reasons of severe insecurity and had sought help or had done something about it, or written about that, I think he could've saved himself....
One of the things I noticed is this: People said of him, "Did he ever stop acting like a guru?" And I said, "When he would fall asleep." And he stopped dreaming in some lucid dreaming, and those moments, he would just say, "Oh sweetie." He would act like an absolutely normal person in the most normal, normal, normal, sweet way that a lover could act at that moment. And then, when he would wake up, if it was a nap, and he would start telling me some bizarre tale about how he murdered people--he was really into telling me about how me murdered people. That was one of his favorite stories.
Q: Yeah, he was working on a love story, that....
A:...it was called Assassins. Carol first told me it was so garbled, I guess by the medications, and it was so horrendous and so ugly that it should be burned and destroyed and no one should ever see it. And then a week later I said, "So what did you do it?" And she said, "Oh, it's a beautiful book, gorgeous; it's going to be published." So we may see a ghostwritten, posthumous, version of that.
Q: Yeah that would be weird, wouldn't that be weird. I'm sure it'll see the light of day. Or somebody will create it just to sell it.
A: I know. People can go on forever. There's a guy who came out with a book saying, " I was Carlos Castaneda; I'm channeling him." And he's probably selling better than I am. I'm taking people's religion away from them. And, on one hand, people are writing me these beautiful letters, but on the other hand, I'm really upsetting people....
Q: Do you think the Tensegrity was stolen from a martial arts teacher that Carlos studied with?
A: I took Howard Lee's class; I took a private session, and when Howard found out that I knew Carlos and that I wasn't just coming to him for information, he was all over me with questions. Because Carlos tried to ditch him and deny him, and they were down the street from one another at one point, and there was a crowd around them, and Howard is tall, and he said, "Carlos, Carlito!" And Carlos hid and cowered, and Bruce covered him like a football player, and Howard decided he wouldn't have any of it, and he broke right into the circle and said, "Carlos, why are you doing this?" And Carlos decided the only way to play it was to break huddle and open his arms, put his arms around him and say "Howard, how are you?" So I think a great deal was taken from his many years of study with Howard. We also know the other women studied karate, but I don't know about the other martial arts....
I believe that Carlos benefited from the martial arts, and took probably most from Howard, and maybe a lot from other people over the years....
Q: How do you think people should remember him?
I think people should remember him as a writer, a fiction writer, who compiled parables, and used some real truths of ancient practices in his work. And they should not believe in the cult's whole group myth. That's very important.
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To read excerpts from Amy Wallace's book Sorcerer's Apprentice, go to
http://www.sustainedaction.org/Wallace_Book/Wallace_Book.htm.