What I'm about to write here is some thoughts and opinion based on my own life experience and sure it was influenced by wisdom of some other people, both my Slovenian and my husband's Dine. English is not my maternal language (it's Slovenian) so I apologize if my English isn't always correct or my expressions seem odd. I'm also aware that several thoughts in my post have been already written by other people here, but it seems there is still a lot of things unclear about these issues, especially with people who were not raised within Native community (not to mention "wannabes").
As Slovenian it's definitely not my place to say who should or should not be considered a member of a certain tribe or nation, I'll just write down some thoughts in general on difference of being geneticaly (or "by blood") a member of a certain nation and being a descendant raised and living among other members of that particular tribe/nation. The latter involves BOTH an individual's personal identity, which goes much deeper than just simple statement I'm X, it means deep understanding (not just rational, but also emotional, symbolic, and practical in every day life) - of the land, cultural and spiritual ways AND his/her place in the particular community which involves all the complex relations among the person and other members of the community. All that
cannot be given or achieved or learned, and of course not bought, by any means. It's about
evolving, growing into certain society, it's about weaving the complex pattern of relations with the people and their cultural and spiritual ways of life and
this is a multiple way process that cannot be decided or lead or speeded-up by the person who wish to become a member of certain society, no matter what his/her BQ is. Considering this, it is obvious that being Dine, Lakota, Slovenian ... etc. other than merely by blood cannot be a matter of statement/personal decision it's a matter of everyday LIFE and long term interaction with other members of the nation. It's something that is hard to comprehend and accept for some people, because
it goes beyond individualistic conception of today's narcissistic Euro-American society. Part of that conception are certain convictions such as: "You can become all you want to be" "If you put enough effort anything can be achieved/got" "What you think/feel is who you are." These deeply impressed conceptions and lack of awareness of the meaning of the community are also part of the reason why it's so hard or even impossible to convince wannabes that they are on a wrong path.
And what to do if you happen to be Native by blood but have lived off the community most of your life and would like to get closer or if you have a partner/spouse from a different nation (there is difference in these two situations, but a lot is also in common)? Here I can share some of my life experience that worked. First thing that later came out to be the foundation of all good relations with Dine was my awareness of who I really was (both my personal identity and cultural background). The second thing was to FORGET what kind of relation I might wish to have or what place I might wish to get in the Dine community. No pretending, no acting, no wannabe thinking/acting. At the beginning I've just looked for what we share, what we already have in common just as simple human beings and see how our relations evolve. And I've found a lot! More than enough to find a good way to exist and be comfortable both ways within Dine community. BTW, I was just dropped to the middle of the Rez by some strange coincidences and hadn't learned anything about Dine from any book before I found myself on the Rez. And that came out later to be on my side - I started learning directly from Dine in THEIR way and THEIR pace without having any (mis)conceptions in my head previously.
To a wannabe who might read this (might be a bit off the topic): Learning included traditional cooking, making frybread, learning to fix a broken tyre on a truck in the middle of nowhere on the Rez, how to tell whether clouds will bring storm or not, it included learning (that was a hard and long term one) how to deal with drunk men and how to work together and comfort each other with other Rez women to minimize the hard consequences of alcoholism and domestic violence, when and how to offer help so that I'd be of any use and not just annoying... and No, learning didn't include how to run ceremonies, nor any kind of "initiation". Yes, I was invited to some ceremonies, but not all of them, and that was because of the nature of the ceremony itself not because of some individual's decision or possession of the ceremony . And I'm still not adopted
or any more Indian than I was at that moment I stepped out of that old truck without door to the dry land of the Navajo Rez for the first time. The reality is what IS not what we might want it to be.