HI! I used 2 be a new age ndn.

[used2bnaf]

Hello to all.  I first want to say thank you.  Several years ago I began to doubt my spiritual practices.  This website planted the seed that what I was doing was wrong.  It took several years to happen, but eventually I walked away.

My NAFPS Forum name is used2bnaf- used to be a new age a fraud.  I was never a practicioner. I was a participant for 11 years.  I no longer claim "Native Amercian Spirituality" or "Lakota Spirituality" as a way of life for me, or any other non lakota person.

I guess the next thing I should say is, I apologize.  I apologize for trying to lay claim to something that wasn't mine.  I apologize for propogating the lies and misconceptions related to the Lakota way of life, and non natives ability to use it for their own personal healing and evolution.  

I was introduced to Lakota ceremonies (ran by non natives) at a very wounded time in my life.  I was desperate for love, affirmation, and a sense of belonging.  The group that I became a part of provided me with all of that and more.

The group I belonged to is based in Texas.  There are many posts about Mary Thunder on this website.  Though not in her "camp", the group I belonged to has links to it.  And of course the Lone star Sun Dance. (which just ended Saturday).  As a side note you should know that "Chief" Richard Grimes now has a Sun Dance at his mother Mary Thunder's Blue Star Ranch.

Other notables in the greater group I belonged to are:

Chief Michael Hull
Chief Richard Grimes
FL Star Grimes
Chief Bear Rastall
FL Shari Valentine
Chief Shellbone Williams
Chief Wally Newton
FL Glenda Newton Gray
Chief Butch Hennigan (passed away several years ago)
Chief Huston
Lynn Valentine
Chief Lex Lentsche
FL Jennifer Klayton Lentsche
Chief Phillip Scott
Chief Quincy Yazzie
Chief Marvin Swallow
FL Hiroku Swallow

I only refer to them with "chief" and "first lady" because I want to be clear on how they represent themselves. I am not trying to offend this group with these labels.

I have attended sweat lodges twice a month for 11 years.(if not more)  Vision quests 2 twice a year, sometimes 3.  Yes I have vision quested and I'm white. (not saying it is right).  I have attended the Lone Star Sundance 10 times.  I pledged to dance, and walked out of the mystrey circle without completing the committment I made.  That is what inevitably led to my realization of how wrong my actions had been for a decade. It was difficult to walk away.  The group I belonged to has a very thick veneer of authenticity to it.  They claim lineage that connects to Leonard Crow Dog and Charles Chipps.  The ceremonial leaders NEVER charged for the ceremonies.  For Vision Quests and Sundance there were camp fees to cover food and potties, and it was always used appropriatley. Made it hard.  What else made it hard was the rhetoric that the ceremonies as we practiced were authentic with nothing added or taken away from. It took a lot of soul searching and therapy, brutal honesty and ego deflation.  My walking away has not been easy or gentle.  Many of my "ndn" friends will not talk to me.  They demand back the sacred objects that were freely given to me. (And now I have no clue what to do with them.)  The NAF and NDN way of life took up so much of my time and life; now there is a huge void that I am trying to figure out how to fill.

So thats me in a nutshell.  Former cultural appropriator turned penitent....and lonely as hell.  I joined this group to be a resource to those who need information about the workings in Texas, and to help as possible.

Thanks for listening

used2bnaf

[Epiphany]

Hi used2bnaf, I'm Epiphany, I have lots of past experience in new age cult groups. I know the walking away process can be really tough.

This cult education forum is really helpful http://www.rickross.com/ along with NAFPS. A good book is Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich, Madeleine Landau Tobias.

I'm really glad you are here. You will be able to pass on information and that will help your own recovery too.

[debbieredbear]

Welcome to NAFPS! I am glad you are here. Many years ago, I met Mary Grimes. She was a friend of an old boyfriend, who was Northern Cheyenne. In fact, he helped her at her first Sundance. She was pretty convincing. But it became clar she was also pretty clueless. She mistook me (in an email) for a friend of mine. WHen corrected, she assumed that my frined was my spouse. We are both women and both like men. She "knew" because "spirit told her". I always did wonder why so many particpants i her group were "chiefs" and "first ladies" and none were NDN.

[used2bnaf]

I always did wonder why so many particpants i her group were "chiefs" and "first ladies" and none were NDN.

Leonard Crowdog made Michael, Shellbone, Phillip Scott, and Crow Dancing Chiefs.  Michael Hull gave a bonnet to Wally and Butch.  The rest IDK.

[critter - a white non-ndn person]

Hi,

Congrats on facing truth and walking away from fraud. And I'm sure you'll
have plenty to share that will help many here.

I have my own experiences as well, even that of my dear cat dying because
the woman who claimed to know so much didn't. It still hurts.

Anyway, welcome and for whatever it's worth, I think you'll find that void you feel,
filling in with something more real than you could have imagined. 

[freddier]

Glad you're acting "right" now.   

[nemesis]

Hello and welcome!

It takes courage to walk away from an abusive group that has been a big part of your life for years, so big respect to you for that.

I am sure that you will be a valued contributor here and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[earthw7]

Hello and welcome thank you for your strength and maybe now
you can start a new again, i believe life is about healing

[used2bnaf]

Yea, starting new....again.  Again.  I thought I had found home in the community I belonged to.  I guess I did for a while.  Thank you all for kind words of encouragment.  I stay current, and will offer information as needed.

[Saskia]

It sounds as though they helped you and gave you community when you really needed it.  Now that you have grown beyond the lies and your integrity has forced you to leave, you are left asking "who am I"?  It is the same with many New Age groups but not all are set up to be deliberately fraudulent and often many of them do do some good but because of their lack of true foundations, eventually the cracks begin to show. 

The 'Core Shamanism' route 'can' (not always) have similar problems because there is no cultural foundation to base it upon.  Having to re-learn and distance oneself (can you tell that I am talking about myself here?) from the only 'family' who have given one community, teaching and healing is incredibly difficult. 

I remember speaking to one well respected teacher about sweat lodge. She openly admitted that back in the 60's and 70's, there was nobody to teach them.  What they learned came from travelling to the USA and learning directly from 1st nation people there.  When they returned to Europe, so many wanted to know, to share and to experience.  They yearned for this part of their lives which Christianity had taken away from them but who could teach them?  So they did what they were lead by Spirit to do then and shared what they had learned.  If it was wrong, then they did not know it.  What it did do, however, was to start opening the doors of acceptance and perception to people who had, themselves, been stripped of their own nature based spirituality centuries ago, yet who knew in their hearts this was the truth they were seeking.

Lots of mistakes have been made by every person/ethnic group on the planet but somehow this tide is turning and it is people like you and I who have been there and know the difference who can start to look again at who we are so that we don't make those same mistakes twice.

Whatever lead you to that group 11 years ago, you needed to be there.  Now that you don't, this major part of knowing who you really are has started to click into place.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  Everything around us teaches us - even a gentle wind teaches us not to urinate in that direction, it's all part of some larger purpose and knowing that you are part of that larger purpose is pretty amazing!

[used2bnaf]

Saskia,
Thank you for your kind and articulate message.  I really appreciate reading these words.  they have been very helpful to my soul.  Again, thank you.

used2b

[Defend the Sacred]

It sounds as though they helped you and gave you community when you really needed it.  Now that you have grown beyond the lies and your integrity has forced you to leave, you are left asking "who am I"?  It is the same with many New Age groups but not all are set up to be deliberately fraudulent and often many of them do do some good but because of their lack of true foundations, eventually the cracks begin to show. 

The 'Core Shamanism' route 'can' (not always) have similar problems because there is no cultural foundation to base it upon.  Having to re-learn and distance oneself (can you tell that I am talking about myself here?) from the only 'family' who have given one community, teaching and healing is incredibly difficult. 

I remember speaking to one well respected teacher about sweat lodge. She openly admitted that back in the 60's and 70's, there was nobody to teach them.  What they learned came from travelling to the USA and learning directly from 1st nation people there.  When they returned to Europe, so many wanted to know, to share and to experience.  They yearned for this part of their lives which Christianity had taken away from them but who could teach them?  So they did what they were lead by Spirit to do then and shared what they had learned.  If it was wrong, then they did not know it.  What it did do, however, was to start opening the doors of acceptance and perception to people who had, themselves, been stripped of their own nature based spirituality centuries ago, yet who knew in their hearts this was the truth they were seeking.

Lots of mistakes have been made by every person/ethnic group on the planet but somehow this tide is turning and it is people like you and I who have been there and know the difference who can start to look again at who we are so that we don't make those same mistakes twice.

Whatever lead you to that group 11 years ago, you needed to be there.  Now that you don't, this major part of knowing who you really are has started to click into place.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  Everything around us teaches us - even a gentle wind teaches us not to urinate in that direction, it's all part of some larger purpose and knowing that you are part of that larger purpose is pretty amazing!

bold added

Saskia... this may need its own thread and not used2bnaf's intro, but... I find these statements very curious coming from you. It makes me uncomfortable seeing you post this stuff and trying to advise him.  Care to share with the rest of the board what services you offer on your website, and what organizations and individuals you promote and work with? I just checked your site again, and as far as I can see you have made no changes to it since you joined here. How does that fit with what you are saying above? Why don't you start an intro thread for yourself and tell us again what you are involved with and why you are here?

Again, this is not a site for defending appropriation, finding clients, or making people feel better about participating in cultural genocide. This is the second time you've been asked this.

[Sparks]

This cult education forum is really helpful http://www.rickross.com/ along with NAFPS.

This excellent resource is now The Cult Education Institute: https://www.culteducation.com

The forum is here: http://forum.culteducation.com

There is also a Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/culteducation/
Rick Ross introduces the Institute: https://www.facebook.com/culteducation/videos/1028133283958598/

[Used2bnaf]

Just want to leave this here so that anyone who encounters my other posts can see that it is ok to change your mind.

This seems as good a place as any. I appreciate the work of this website.
However,  In looking squarely at my behavior from 2012 to 2015(6), I am filled with regret for my actions by posting this thread and others on this website.  I think that is why after a period of time I deleted my Account.  I cannot take back the words made indelible here. I can only apologize,  say I was wrong, I said these things from a deep place of woundedness, my intent was not to shine a light but to cause pain, and if my words caused anyone reading this harm, I am not difficult to locate. There are some I will contact directly to make arrangements to make f2f amends.

Roy
Used2bnaf a judgemental wounded idiot

[educatedindian]

You should applauded for your willingness to change and take a serious look at the consequences of your actions. Others can learn from such examples.