Hi there Viktoria
I'm white too. I guess you could call me an ex-pagan: Barnaby the Apostate, if you like. One reason for this is that in my opinion paganism features many untrue historical claims: for example that nine million people died in the 'Burning Times', or that Wicca developed from a surviving pre-Christian religion.
Other reasons include the amount of bigotry I noticed, which was justified in exactly similar terms to that of other religious bigots. This included rampant sexism, which was rather surpising to a naif like me who thought paganism emphasised women's equality. I also read and heard that homosexuality is 'un-natural', women are 'less intellectual', and that only 'Indo-Europeans' can be pagans. With a few brave exceptions willing to risk ostracism from their community, most pagans seemed not to give a damn about any of this.
I'm sorry you were abused and am glad you have recovered from the experience. I think one reason why paganism attracts these scumbags is that it devalues rationality, encouraging people to give up critical thinking. While the issues I've touched on remain unaddressed, which I fear will be the case, it will inevitably remain this way, and more people will be abused.